In The Corners Of My Mind

Guess what happened? For the first time in weeks, I had blog ideas over the weekend that had nothing to do with kids! I did, of course, have some about the kids, too. But it seems to be a big step for me post pregnancy and newborn to once again see the world without an overactive hormonal haze. At least for a few moments at a time. Now a few examples.

1. I saw two women and five kids who were perfectly able bodied, pile out of their Escalade that the driver had just parked in the very first handicapped parking space at Target. I knew from the swimsuits and beach hair that they had just spent the day frolicking in the sand and water. I always wonder about people who think it's okay to park in those spaces when they so obviously don't need to. And how do they explain to their children that it's okay?

2. Is it still legal for people to ride in the back of pickup trucks? I saw three teenaged boys riding in the back of a truck hauling hay up the highway. All I could think of was how fast accidents happen and what would happen to those boys if anything happened. I said a little prayer for them and hoped that they were almost to their destination.

But then yesterday after church and lunch and a visit with my parents, I went to lay down for a short nap. And this post happened. Of course, I had Julianna with me. She's my shadow, you know. As we lay on the bed (in the room where the air conditioner is), we were joined by my husband. And then Josh. And then Adam. We talked and laughed for a few minutes and then started to get quiet. The boys said that they weren't sleepy and didn't want to take a nap. But one by one we fell asleep. I'm only ever half asleep these days, so when I opened my eyes and looked over and saw my family all sleeping peacefully by my side, my mind flew back to 25 years ago. My family--mom, dad, sister, and I--lived on Front Street in downtown Coeur d' Alene in a little white house between 9th and 10th Streets. And I remembered, for the first time in years, how on summer Sunday afternoons, the four of us would pile onto mom and dad's bed and take a nap together. I'm sure that there was talking and laughing before the actual sleeping. I'm sure that my sister didn't really intend to take a nap. And as I lay there watching my husband and children all in a pile sleeping in the cool air, I wondered if my mom had ever done the same thing. Did she, like me, look at the faces of her family and smile at how sweet they looked? Did she, like me, wonder just when exactly she became this person who was 30 something and married and a mom? Did she, like me, say a prayer for this family of hers...for their safety and happiness and health? Did she, like me, wish the bed was just a little bit bigger so that she didn't have to have one leg hanging over the edge? And for a few minutes I was two people. I was the 11 year old girl who slept peacefully between mom and dad. And I was the mom and wife who looked at her family with more love than I knew was possible.

So now I have one more reason to love naps. Memories.

Here Comes the Sun

Every time I'm tempted to complain about the heat, I remind myself about the miles and miles of snow that was in our yard a few short months ago. And I remember that at least I don't have to shovel the heat to get to my car.

Kids

Maybe it's sleep deprivation. Or maybe it's the fact that I spend my entire day solely taking care of my children. But I really can't think of a thing to write about other than the kids.

First, I just have to say that Josh and Adam are the world's greatest big brothers. Even after two weeks, they still can't stay away from their sister. They think she's the cutest, sweetest baby ever. They fight over who gets to sit by her and hold her and kiss her first. They help me any way they can and even go so far as to getting the diaper changing stuff ready (as long as they don't have to touch the dirty one). I just have to wonder how long this will last. I'm thinking that when Julianna is 6 and Josh is 14 and Adam is 13, there might not be so much doting. But maybe there will be. It will certainly be fun to watch.

And Julianna. It still feels like a dream that she's here at all. I wake up to her sounds at 2:00am and look down at this little girl with the face of an angel and lungs of an opera singer and wonder where in the world she came from. The whole journey with her has seemed somehow surreal--from the pregnancy to delivery to now. And I look forward to getting to know her and finding out just why God sent her to us.

So now we have to say "kids" instead of "boys." As in, "Are the kids ready for church?" And I get to play dress up with my little doll-faced girl in all her piles of pink. And I get to watch as my family, every one of us, changes a little each day. And I get to see, in the faces of my children, how blessed I truly am.

Today's Schedule

1. Change baby's diaper
2. Feed baby
3. Burp baby
4. Rock baby
5. Repeat 100 times

Five

Julianna is peacefully sleeping...on her brother's lap. Neither of the boys can get enough of her after a week of her being here. They are always wanting to kiss or hold or talk to her. And they even want to help change diapers, which before her arrival, they were determined to avoid at any cost. They are in love with this little girl that they have waited so long for. And I love that they feel nothing but love for her right now.

She is officially one week old. It doesn't seem possible. It seems like just yesterday she was still in my belly hiccuping the day away. But she's here in all her lovely baby-ness. She is soft and sweet and beautiful. She is everything I knew she would be and more. She keeps me up at night and keeps me busy feeding and changing her, but I am loving it. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to do everything that I needed to do and that sleep deprivation would be the end of me. But I'm actually feeling pretty good and, since she will by my last baby, I am trying to soak in every second of being the mother of a newborn again.

She was born with minimal difficulty, considering the whole abdominal surgery thing. I admit that I was pretty scared as the morning went on with all the preparations and at one point had to give myself a little pep talk. I said something like, "She's in there and she's coming out. Say a little prayer and get in the operating room." Which is what I did. The anticipation was the worst part. The reality was tough, but I made it through and most importantly so did Julianna. And after two and a half days in the hospital, we made it home. What a relief to be in my own home without nurses poking and prodding at all hours.

So, here we are, our little family of five. And so far it's been good. The bonding and the planning and the loving. And I know that it will only get better.

She's Here

Julianna Grace was born Monday, June 2nd at 8:04am. She weighed 7lb 14oz and was 21 inches long.

And now she wants to eat. Be back later.