Why I Don't Go To The Mall

The other day I went to the mall with a friend* and since it was raining, we decided to duck into a salon and go through to the main part of the mall. When we stepped in, we apparently also stepped into 1987. All the women working there had bad blond dye jobs and really big hair. Kind of ironic at a beauty salon. And it smelled like perm solution and nail polish. But what was kind of weird was that they were also selling shoes and were having a big sale. I walked straight through and out into the main part of the mall, but my friend, who can't pass up a bargain, started shopping for shoes. So I stood outside the salon and waited for her. A few minutes later she stepped halfway out of the store to ask my advice about a pair of shoes. "They're cute," I said, "but shouldn't you pay for them before you take them out of the store." She headed back in to finish shopping and pay. Meanwhile, the blondest, biggest-hair beautician came out and told me that I needed to come back inside the salon because they were calling security and he wanted to talk to me. "Why," I asked. "Shoes were removed from the store before they were paid for," she answered none to kindly. I tried to explain that my friend was just asking my opinion and had all intentions of paying for the shoes. That didn't matter, I was told, if merchandise is removed from the store for any reason before it's paid for, they had to call security. Whatever. So I stood there surrounded by the Beach Blond Beautician Brigade (BBBB) while my friend continued shopping. I don't really blame her, though, it was a really good sale. While I was standing there, I spotted a few pairs of shoes that I might like. But I told them angrily, "I might have bought those and those, but certainly not now." Pretty soon the security guy came into the salon. He looked a little like a cross between Brad Pitt and Toby Keith (without the cowboy hat and guitar). I explained the situation to him. He laughed it off and said it wasn't a big deal. This did not make the BBBB very happy. But I didn't care what they thought. I just wanted to get out of there. (I only thought for a second about buying shoes. They were really cute and really cheap.) I told my friend, who was still shopping, that I would wait for her outside and to please pay before coming out this time. A little while later, she came out with bags of shoes, thankfully paid for...and then I woke up.

What a weird dream. Because, one, I rarely go to the mall and only then if absolutely necessary. Two, I've seen the mall cops and they do not look like the one in my dream. And three, the friend who was with me, who truly loves a good deal, would have had my back. She always does.

*This friend, who shall remain nameless, knows who she is. And I just have to say, the shoes you picked out were really cute. Can I borrow them? :)