100

Here's the thing. This is my 100th post on my blog and I've been racking my brain trying to come up with something that would symbolize the significance of that. But I've got nothing. I thought about "100 things about me" or "100 things I love" or "100 things I've done 100 times (or more)." But nothing feels right. I even missed my first day of school blog waiting to have something special for my 100th post. All I can think of is the day I sat in front of the computer and created this blog. It was spur of the moment although I had considered it a few times before. But the truth is, I did it as a distraction. A distraction from the terrifying pain in my chest and my brain telling me that I was going to die. It was right in the middle of the worst of my anxiety disorder and I couldn't do anything but pray and wait for it to pass. I couldn't clean house because of the exhaustion. I couldn't play with my kids because of the pain. I couldn't even take a shower because I was afraid I would have a heart attack and no one was home to find me except the boys. Wow. I was really sick. Thinking about it now it's easy to see. But then I just thought that I was dying or crazy or both. So I sat and wrote as best I could. I don't even remember what my first few posts were about but I'm sure I hid most of what was going on in my writing just as I did in real life. But the writing helped. It did distract me. And that distraction somehow lessened the anxiety and the symptoms it caused.

So, here I am, 10 months and 100 posts later. Mostly well. 100 times healthier. A million times happier. Now the only thing my blog distracts me from is dirty dishes. And for that I am 100% thankful.