Yesterday Julianna turned one month old. And just as I suspected, time with her is flying by. I realized very early on with her that I better relish every moment because, just like with the boys, I'm going to blink and she'll be 8 years old. Those early days with her weren't easy. It seemed like all I did was feed her and hold her and change her and try to figure out which one she wanted me to do. On very little sleep. But here we are, a month into her little life. I know her a little better. She knows me a little better. We are both sleeping a little more. And I love her more and more every time I look at her.
And now, finally, she seems real. For so long it was like a dream. A long morning sickness, tired body, c-section, hospital room, weird nurse filled dream. I'd look at her and wonder when and why and how she became a part of me. And then a few mornings ago as she lay beside me looking so amazingly lovely in the dawn light, I realized why God sent her to us. It's for me. I need her. I don't know why yet. And I don't even know when I'll know why. But it hit me like a ton of bricks that God sent me this beautiful little daughter, not because she needs me, but because I need her. She is going to help me become a better person. She is going to teach me things that no one else can. She is going to play some part in my life that can't be filled by any one else. So now as I watch her grow and change, I will also be growing and changing.
But right now, she is calling me and it looks like the change of the moment is a diaper change.
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